It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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