I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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