Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
