you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
