Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
