Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
