Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
