I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
