i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
