porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
