it was like his penis was on wheels.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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