I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
