u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
