And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
