Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
