just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
