do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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