Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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