Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Randomize
