SEEEEXXX PLEASE
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
As shirtless as possible
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
