I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
