Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
