went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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