I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
