My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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