I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
