i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
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I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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