How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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