They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
