I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
