What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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