I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
