she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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