he wants to bone in the snuggie
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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