Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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