So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
