Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
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You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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