I've blown a few things in my day
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
