I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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