if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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