that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
