Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
