Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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