She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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