I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
