I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
