Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
