Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
