I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
