Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
