We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
