I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
