I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
