dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
