weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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