we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
