Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
