so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
