Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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