im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
