Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
